Today I had the privilege of experiencing something I haven't experienced in many years. It is called: being pulled over by a cop! I felt like such a bad-a**. Sorry for the bad language, Mother. Anyway, Big Shot Husband always says, "It's the 5-0," when we see police cars, because he's super cool. However, he never seems to have the privilege of being pulled over by an actual police officer like I did today. Bam!
Here's what happened: I had dropped Gorby off at his local backyard camp and was driving the other three to the kids' school for the girls' camp. I was on that long road we take, past the hospital but before the twenty-hour light, when I made a really stupid error. Yes, that's right, I changed from the middle lane to the left lane and crossed a double yellow line. That was not the stupid part. The stupid part was that I did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP. I guess the fact that I do this maneuver on a regular basis during the school year when I drive this route over and over and over again inured me to the fact that it is illegal.
I had to actually make a u-turn in front of all those people, drive to the side street where Officer Friendly was parked and show him my actual license and registration. I was lucky that I had my license, because I recently spent three hours at the DMV renewing it, lost it while running the next week, then went to the express DMV near my house and got a new one (10 minutes), even though my plan was to wait for the good citizen who found it to drop it in the mail to me. I am still waiting.
Anyway, I took a page from Big Shot Husband and used the two-pronged strategy called: 1) Do not speak unless spoken to and 2) use as few words as possible when responding.
Officer Friendly: "Ma'am, this is a $90 ticket and a point on your license. Also, it is dangerous to cross that double yellow line because if someone is trying to turn, they would be looking the other direction and not realize that you had pulled around and you could have a major accident." He demonstrated by turning his head in one direction and not looking the other way also, which I'm pretty sure you are always supposed to do while driving and turning.
So I said, "Officer, shouldn't a driver always look in both directions while making a turn? If the driver did so, he would see me regardless of my going around that other car to get in the left lane, right? I'm sure we could Google the actual law right now." Bwahaha! You thought I said that? No way, Jose.
Really, I nodded and said, "Yes, Officer, you are right. It is really dangerous."
"Well," he said, "I am just going to give you a written warning this time. But it really is a $90 fine and one point on your license."
"Thank you, Officer," I said. Or something like that.
So I got my warning and sheepishly joined the left lane (legally this time) and went my merry way. I nattered on to the children about how that was only the second time in my whole life I have been pulled over and I've NEVER had a ticket. Eva kindly reminded me that about once a month or so I get an envelope from the county containing a beautiful photograph of my minivan speeding off somewhere and a brusque request to remit some small fine (this is for Big Shot Husband's eyes) which is actually not so small (for the rest of you who know the truth).
I have to say, though, that I did feel quite the outlaw after my police encounter and it was a little exciting. I tend to be sort of an insane rule-follower (yes, Mother, I know I was rebellious as a teenager, but I am talking about present day. Thirty-seven years old).
I mean, it did hurt my pride that I got dinged doing my most-practiced and skilled activity (no, not Starbucks, I am very serious about keeping my wits about me there), i.e., carpool. But on the other hand, I have logged at least 65,000 carpool miles and this is the first time I got pulled over. Yay, me!! I should be congratulating myself.
Anyway, I am thinking of putting my written warning on the wall somewhere to remind myself that I can be a little wild and crazy too. In fact, I might just break from my comfort zone and make a spicy cholent this week or even make bone-in chicken! Well, a lady can dream. . .
