Trader Joe's is my new babysitter

One more day of 3/4 campless kids. I am going home to work out straight after dropoff for Perfect Eldest Son (Pes) this morning. I share this information with Zsa Zsa and Eva (8 and 6) and my sweet little Stalin, age 4. Zsa Zsa says, "Mommy, let's go to Starbucks first." "Well," I equivocate (yeah, right), "Maybe we could just do a quick Starbucks since I do have to go to Trader Joe's anyway. . ." Zsa Zsa is super smart. They fight the whole way there. I get many reports related to hitting, touching, tongue-sticking-outing, etc.

We sit down with our drinks. The Gabor sisters and Stalin suck down their drinks before I have even finished my emailing and Facebooking, let alone sip one iota of coffee. They think of fun activities to keep themselves occupied while I drink. For example, the Gabors demostrate how well they walk in their new flip flops, no, run, up and down the store. This gets Stalin all riled up and he not only runs, but shrieks. I tell them to sit down. Then Stalin decides to play, "I am a pundit," and yells into his pretend microphone, "This is Stalin on Fox News!!! President Obama should leave the White House!" I smile proudly but then furtively glance around, paranoid that the guy in the baseball cap on the laptop is actually a member of the Stasi.

The time is now 9:43. We make it to TJ where the three munchkins run to the kids' coloring table as if they've never seen paper and crayons before. I shop peacefully. I check on them. They are happy, "Please can we stay a little longer?" they ask. I smile like I am a Good Mom and say, "Sure, darlings, you are coloring SO NICELY. I am SO PROUD OF YOU!" That's what Good Moms say in public. I keep shopping. I am smiling. It is so peaceful. I check out and leave my groceries by the coloring table so I can run to the bathroom.

As I walk away, I hear, "Here sweetie, of course you can have the green." "Thank you Zsa Zsa, darling, oh, sweetie Stalin, do you need help?" asks Eva. I walk slowly to the bathroom and think, "Hm, what would happen if they just stayed at that table for another couple hours? Trader Joe's does pride itself on its customer service. I could go get my nails done." I walk back to the groceries and my children and say, "COME ON CHILDREN," Grin, "Let's go sweeties!!! Your pictures are SOOOO BEAUTIFUL. No Stalin, you can't take that green crayon with you, you can use one of our 30,042 crayons, markers, glitter glue sticks or paint at home to finish your gorgeous project. And we can always buy more at Target later." I know, I know, this is the most expensive week ever.