Air Travel

Every year we go on a Big Trip. We get on an airplane, fly 3000 miles to the opposite coast and spend several weeks at my childhood home with my parents. It is Fun. My children wait all year for this Trip, which involves vast amounts of space to run, ice cream, cool weather and extreme Grandma spoilage. And I get to relive my past, year after year. This year I even cleaned out the closet of my childhood bedroom which involved delving deep into the fashions of the 80s and 90s, including a white sequined dress I wore for some high school dance. My girls insisted I try it on and guess what? Some of you will be seeing me in it on Purim, yippee!! I will be Queen Esther. Zsa Zsa and Eva decided.

Anyway, this is about air travel so let's get to it. The past two or three years we have been flying out of Small Icky Airport instead of Big Luxe Airport due to the fact that the direct coast-to-coast flight is much cheaper from Small Icky International. And because there are many of us flying, even a cheap ticket becomes expensive when you multiply it by six. This is a principle I discovered after I had Gorby. I would go to, for example, Target and see something "cute for the kids." "Oh, it's so cute and so cheap, I should buy it for them," I would say to myself. Then I would multiply that cheap number by four and suddenly it wasn't that cheap anymore.

So the other day, we started off EARLY to get to Small Icky International. The two non-stop flights from there to here are either 8AM (which we all know means out of the house no later than 530 AM), or 9PM, which is stupid (it is a multi-hour flight--about five and a half but feels like 20). Of course, I needed coffee when I arrived at SII because I got up at 430 and was darn tired. Now, after many airplane trips from SII, I have finally cottoned on to the fact that the Starbucks in this airport is located in the terminal BEFORE you enter security. Um, what? What genius came up with that? Who gets to the airport sufficiently early to leisurely drink their Starbucks without worrying that if they wait another few minutes, they will get stuck in the security line, have all their stuff searched and/or get stuck behind a family with four kids, each with two carry ons. Or be that family.

OK, this time I was not going to stand for an early morning flight without Starbucks. We arrived somewhat sufficiently early to have a quick Starbucks (at least Big Shot Husband  and I could, do you know how expensive it is to multiply a Starbucks order by six?), and I ran to the information desk and lunged at the kindly elderly security guy. "Do you know where the Starbucks is?" I frantically asked him, pushing my children out of the way so they wouldn't interrupt my fact-finding mission. "Oh," he said, "It's somewhere around here, but you know there is a coffee shop after security, don't you?" I gave him a steely-eyed glare. "I need my Starbucks," I admonished him. He looked scared. He gestured down a hallway where we quickly ran and found ourselves behind the only four people in America who have NEVER BEEN TO A STARBUCKS.

Here's what their ordering sounded like:
"How big is the tall lah-teh?" asked the mom.
"12 oz, ma'am," said Barista (who was literally the oldest barista I had ever seen. I kind of surreptitiously backed up to look at the sign again to make sure it was Starbucks).
"What's in it?" asked mom.
"Um, espresso and foamed milk, ma'am."
Mom thinks. Then is distracted by the pictures of frappuccinos. "Jim Bob," she says, "How's about one of those in the picture? The fra-pew-kee-no." I almost stroked out. There were four of them ordering.
I busied myself by remembering that it is a big mitzvah to give people the benefit of the doubt even if their names are Darlene, Jim Bob, Dwayne and Earl.

I finally got my coffee and we shuffled off to the security line. I thought about how long the line was and how I'd have plenty of time to drink my coffee, make it through security, and onto our flight just in time. I congratulated myself on my impeccable timing, starting with the 430 wake-up call and ending right here, in the security line, Starbucks successfully in hand.

Well, apparently everyone else had had their coffee too because darn if that security line wasn't just buzzing right along. I gulped my Starbucks down fast. Luckily, I was just about finished when I got to the front. I needed it, though. I had to muster up the energy to irritate everyone behind me by helping four children through security, each with two pieces of luggage (2x4=8), two shoes (2x4=8), and a hidden sippy cup with milk (oops). But it doesn't bother me, I already had my Starbucks.